Memo to all staff :
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor.
You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H..I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS ( D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already..
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).

....How to have everything with nothing!***************************************************
Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok" Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."President: "Ah, in that case...ok" This is how business is done!!

Moral: You can have anything even if you have nothing to begin with.

A light joke for you all today:

AN OLD ARAB AND HIS SON

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
One day, he decided he would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he was too old and weak to dig-up the ground.
His son was in college in Paris; so the old man decided to sent him an E-mail to explaining the problem to him. He wrote:

"Beloved son,Ahmed, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if you were here, you would have helped me dig the garden.

I love you my son,
your father."
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The following day, the old man received a reply from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That's where I've hidden 'the THINGS'. I love you too father,
Ahmed."

At 4pm the FBI and rangers were all over the place. They serched the old man's house and tore the place apart. They dug the garden and searching every inch.
Disappointed as they couldn't find anything they left. The next day, the old man received another E-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug-up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. Your loving son,

Ahmed".